It's been a while since i was drawing seriously, same goes for pixel art.
To be honest, i still don't feel like drawing at all.
I lost all confidence in myself over time, this does not only concern drawing .... more like everything in my life. I was slowly rotting away for many years now.
I can't tell when it actually started. Maybe when i tried to commit suicide about 10 years ago .... maybe earlier. It was a sneaking process which led me to the condition I am in now.
I always felt that something was wrong with me but I kind of ignored that feeling, told myself it isn't that bad, other people have worse problems.
Eventually I reached my limit. I partly lost control over my life, not able to interact with friends normal anymore, had no more fun in life. I hated myself for what I am. Completely overhelmed by thoughts, I was hurting myself over and over again to get rid of them. I was nothing but a slave of my depression.
I was hospitalized for several weeks until now trying to get back on my feet. There I tried things I once had fun doing, like drawing and sports, but i still feel empty.
Nothing has worth, nothing has meaning. I'm trying to force myself to do something but i'm losing motivation too fast. I don't know what I should or shouldn't expect from life.
I don't know in which direction i should be moving. I'm still searching for a goal that's within my reach........everything seems so far away.
At the moment i can't do more than trying to find something to hold onto.
x-mas presents result
Since there was little interest in my christmas event i decided to divide the original 8 presents among those 4 participants and made a "bigger" one for each of them. So... here are the results.
+200 points for ZenitSaga
+200 points for FrootyFlake
<da:thumb id="581321248"/>+200 points for Gewalgon
+200 points for SWN-001
time for some x-mas presents
So...it's christmas again and i decided to give a present to some of you. There will be 8 in total and i won't tell you what these contain, it's a present after all.
The first 8 people who comment on this journal will get one but the contents will only be revealed when all presents are finished. 
for ZenitSaga 
for FrootyFlake
for Gewalgon 
for SWN-001
no more art for now.....
.... which just means no changes since i haven't uploaded anything for a while again.
The only difference now is that i sold my computer yesterday and trying to sell my intuos 3 A5W grafic tablet at the moment.
Still got a damn old netbook i could work with but that thing takes days just to boot and i've got no motivation to do anything anyway .... as always.
Commissions closed
From now on commissions are closed until ...... i don't know ...... we will see how much time it takes to recover.
I have to undergo an operation on my wrist again next week, which means no drawing or gaming for a while.
To-Do-List:
1. Cathrie-Crash - non-animated icon // DONE
2. Cathrie-Crash - slightly-animated icon // DONE
3. Cathrie-Crash - slightly-animated icon // DONE
4. Hannyah - slightly-animated icon // DONE
5. MtfoxX3 - slightly-animated icon // DONE
6. Hannyah - 100x100px pagedoll // DONE
7. NotSempai - slightly-animated icon // DONE
8. PastelSnake - full-animated icon // ON HOLD
